THE BEST LAS VEGAS PROPERTIES
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How To Make The Move Easy On The Kids |
Moving from
one house to another is seldom easy and fun for adults, and it can be
especially troubling for the children. But if parents deal with their
children's concerns and needs thoughtfully, much of that distress and
discomfort can be avoided.
Children see moves differently than their parents do, and they benefit much
less from the change in their comfortable routines, or so it seems at the time.
Most often, a change in houses or communities heralds an important step forward
for the adult members of the family.
The family moves because Daddy or Mommy has a great new job or a promotion in
reward for years of hard work. They move because financial success has allowed
the purchase of a bigger and nicer house in a more costly neighborhood. They
move because they can finally afford private bedrooms for each child and
perhaps a pool in the back yard.
These days, mobile and hard striving people typically live in a house for about
four years and then move on as their careers or fortunes allow. That short time
span is only a small percentage of the life-to-date for a 30 or 40 year old,
but the same four years is half the lifetime of an 8 year old, and it includes
almost all the years he or she can remember.
To a parent, this house may be only the place they have lived recently. They
think of it as a way station on the road of life. To kids, however, it may be
the only home they have ever really known. This is their house, the place they
feel safe and comfortable and thoroughly at home. A house is much more than a
roof and walls to a child. It is the center of his or her world. A move
threatens to take that sphere away and leave something totally strange in its
place. The familiar friends, schools, shops and theaters, the streets, trees
and parks - all will no longer exist for them. Everything soon will be strange,
and they will live in someone else's world.
The impact of a move on a typical child starts about the time he or she first
hears that Daddy has accepted a promotion, and often continues for about a
year, until the new house becomes home, and memories of the previous place
fade. It's not usually necessary to announce this big change to children
immediately, although they must hear about it from you before someone else
breaks the news. Most teenagers see themselves as adult members of the family,
and will probably feel they have been left out if they don't hear everything
from the first day. But it is probably not a good idea to tell toddlers and
preschoolers until they have to know. There is no point in making them worry
far in advance.
Be sure to announce the move in a totally positive way. You might say how proud
you are that Daddy's company has chosen him out of many other employees to
manage a new office in a new location. Talk about what a beautiful city you
will be moving to, how good the schools are and how nice the people are. Tell
truthful but very positive stories about how nice the new house will be. Ask
them what the favorite things are in their lives now, and then try to make them
happen in the new home.
If the new home is too far away to allow a visit by the entire family after it
has been selected, show the children pictures of it from every angle. Videotape
it, if you can. Emphasize the positive views and be sure to include pictures of
each child's new room. Try to name the house with some romantic description
like "Oak Hill" for the big trees and the sloping lawn.
Sugar coating will help, but since children can quickly see the negative sides
of most situations, every parent must plan to deal with their children's
worries, fears and sorrows. The children will lose friends they may have known
all their lives. They will leave behind their sports teams, their clubs and
their dancing teachers. They will have to start over in a new place, making
friends, becoming accepted and fitting into different groups. Younger children
need protection from fear of the unknown. Listen carefully to their concerns, and
respond quickly to allay their apprehensions. It would be normal, for instance,
for a young child to worry that his or her toy box and shelf of stuffed animals
might be left behind. Find those anxieties and correct them.
Probably the best tactic is to get the children actively involved in the whole
process. Don't just promise to let them decorate their own rooms, for example.
Take them to the paint store and let them bring home color swatches. Shop for
bed spreads and towels and carpets. They must leave old friends behind; so find
ways to make that parting almost pleasant. Plan a going-away party and let them
invite their own guests. Take pictures of everyone and make a photo album. If a
child is old enough, send him or her out with a roll of film in the camera and
the assignment to photograph the views they will want to remember.
Some relationships will be extremely difficult to break and these will demand
careful, thoughtful, personalized planning by both parents. How, for instance,
do you move a 17 year old 1,000 miles from her steady boyfriend? Expect that
your children may be even more distressed after the move than they were before
it. The new house will not be beautiful the night after the moving van leaves,
or for months after. The furniture won't fit the rooms. The curtains won't be
up, and every spot on the floor will be covered with half-unpacked cartons. The
children won't know anyone at school and, if you move during the summer, they
may have little opportunity to meet anyone their age.
You may be faced with many more problems in your new community that they will,
but remember that you can handle them more easily than they can. They will need
your help, and you should plan to give them the support they need. After the
move, give each of them a long distance telephone call allowance so they can
keep in touch with the people back home who matter the most to them. Buy a
stack of picture postcards that show positive views of your new community, and
encourage them to write good news messages to the friends and relatives they
left behind.
To make new friends, make sure the children don't vegetate in front of the
television. Get them outside, where neighbors pass by. Have them pass out
fliers to do baby-sitting or car washing. Encourage them to participate in as
many school activities as they can handle. Get them on sports teams and into
clubs. If they - and you - aren't making new friends fast enough, throw a
housewarming party for yourselves and invite all the adults and children on the
block.
If serious emotional or attitudinal problems arise, however, help is usually
available and probably should be sought. Ask a teacher for help. Consider
professional counseling. Don't let a serious problem slide. Remember that the
newness will wear off. New friends will become old friends and best friends.
This new house may become the family homestead your grandchildren will visit
every holiday season. There will be discomforts, but in the long run,
everything will work out fine.
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Marc Gohres Phone
(702) 768-8598 Fax
(800) 948-0601 |
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Revised April 12, 2020 9:57 AM